You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
