if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
