You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
