Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
