so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
