How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize