My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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