I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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