cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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