Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
