He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
