Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
