When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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