I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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