i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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