There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
