Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
