I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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