I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize