genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
