the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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