just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
