Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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