I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
did you just send me my own nude
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
