Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
