Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
