Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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