Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
