i would punch a child for taco bell
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was a blind-side dick pic.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
