I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
