i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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