i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
