it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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