You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
