There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
