i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
