I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
