I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
