Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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