no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize