Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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