you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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