I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
