I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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