You can't motorboat a personality
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
