I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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