never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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