it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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