she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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