I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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