he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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