she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
