Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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