I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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