From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
