We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
