My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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