totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
