My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
