her vagine was all disorganized.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
