please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
