You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
