Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
