plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
