I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found the puke drawer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
