roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and she was petting her beer can
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
