Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and she was petting her beer can
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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