how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
