i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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