I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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