I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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