jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
