just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
