Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
