I cannot find my penis.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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