I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
