The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
