On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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