Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
tell me about the fingering
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