the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
