Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
