I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
