Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize