my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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