I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
