Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize