Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
