Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
