I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i now understand why vodka
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
