i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
