Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
