Sponge bath it is.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
