I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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