I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
