I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
