I will die if light touches me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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