Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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