i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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