Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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