I didn't shave. On purpose
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
