so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
