He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
