he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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