Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
