Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
