final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
