We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
