I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
