Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
